How many times

Years before I saw her face I knew who she was. Reputation will generally precede when there is no time to make an up to date assessment of someone’s character.

How many times have I passed someone by due to public opinion or my private speculation of “yes I’ve seen their type before”

“Oh don’t even think about speaking to that person. They are always angry or so depressed they make a guinea pig’s kneecap look like Mount Everest”

How do we ever really know what someone else is going through unless we take some time to listen.

(“Im angry because my mother died too early and my father married a woman who was young enough to be my sister and she was mean and abuse. I’m angry about that, not about you or anyone else. I think i’m angriest at myself as I continue to live in the memory of my ever present past”)

How did he move on, how do I move on ? Sadly, some people i’ve known never moved on, continuing to be trapped in the past and never truly living in the present. I believe that memory is very rarely the problem, rather it is the emotion that is still connected to the memory. I also believe that such unexpressed emotion can manifest as physical issues and illness and I’m sure many of you would have heard the same.

But can we ever really move on from the past. Surely we must if we are ever to truly live in the present, uninhibited and untarnished by a myriad of negative memories. Now I’m not suggesting that complete eradication is possible or even necessary. Hold on to the positives, the good times, the joyful days, the times when you wished time would stand still or at least slow down to the point where you could savour the experience for just a bit longer.

But if you think about a past experience or relationship that evokes a negative emotion, then that is what needs to be let go of.

How can this be done you may well ask as I did myself the first time someone suggested it to me. “Confront the person and tell them exactly how you feel !”

Well you could, but what if they are no longer available or unwilling to say sorry or take responsibility or even suggest that “you just need to move on” Sometimes they may not even remember the incident. How would that make you feel ?

Pretty annoyed and I can speak from personal experience on that one. Please enter the therapeutic letter, another way of releasing the emotion, uninhibited or edited to avoid being offensive. This technique, if done correctly can provide a release of the emotion, thereby neutralising the memory. And once it is written you burn it. At the same time I encourage you to be firmly grounded in the present by engaging in meaningful activities. This serves as your anchor to the present before undertaking the historical journey. Simply stated, releasing negative emotions is an emotional process and you need to have something positive waiting for you on the other side of memory.

It is also important to continually create new positive memories for yourself. Step out everyday, knowing you are more than worthy to live the life you were meant to, uninhibited and free.